Strings that Strangle

One reason I appreciate blogging is b/c I can use it as my personal soapbox - to discuss things that I don't have a forum for in other settings. So here's my latest pet peeve...giving with strings attached.

Recently, I was approached by a family member on my husband's side. She and her fiancee live together and are raising her daughter, his three kids, and their two kids. It's definitely a "his, hers, and ours" type of situation. They're both very responsible adults who are employed and going to school to better themselves. She was hospitalized three times in the last six months, without insurance, resulting in a tremendous amount of debt. By the time she called me, they were five days away from being evicted. She had tried, unsuccessfully, to get a loan. The father of her oldest daughter had completely screwed up her credit. Her fiancee has never established any credit. She was turning to me as a last resort, hoping that I could co-sign on a loan. I knew that was impossible, but my husband and I talked about it and were able to give them some money - certainly not enough to cover the back rent that they owed. This was not a problem for us. I felt great in being able to give from what the Lord gave us.

Silly me, however, mentioned that our church has a benevolent fund, from which they help people in need. I volunteered to check and see if they would be able to help. This fund was set up a few years ago and as far as I was aware, it was to help ANYBODY with a financial deficit. My husband contacted one of the committee members and explained the situation. At one point, that committee member talked to me to hear my take on the situation. I explained that rather than an out-and-out presentation of the gospel to this family member, I was working at establishing a relationship with her. I also stated that I thought our church giving a monetary gift to complete strangers would send a powerful witness to them. At the time I was told that they were uncomfortable with giving money towards rent because they were "living in sin," and the committee felt that they would be sending a wrong message. They wanted to meet and pray with, and minister to, this couple and somehow find a way of communicating that living together is not God's way. In and of itself, I can see their point. I was also told that the money was really for members of our body and that smaller gifts could be given to those outside the body. They weren't saying, "no," they were simply attaching strings to giving this "gift." The committee discussed it again and came back with the same answer. They couldn't give them any money without insisting they meet and pray with them.

C'mon. Webster's defines gift as, "something voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation." Isn't salvation a gift? We had nothing to do with receiving the gift of salvation. It was something that Christ did for us when we were still strangers, enemies, and sinners. We didn't have to jump through hoops to get it. Don't misunderstand - at no time did the committee say that they would only give the gift if they agreed to stop living together. They only wanted to tell them that what they were doing was wrong. Great first impression of Christianity, wouldn't you say?

I think that the committee has things backwards. Christ initiates a relationship with us. Once that's established, the Holy Spirit convicts us of the areas in our life that need to change. The key is relationship. If that's not there, Christianity just becomes a religion of do's and don'ts. Even new Christians aren't inundated with, "Now that you're a Christian, you have to give up this, and change that, and don't foget to do such-and-such." Well, actually, some Christians are more concerned with that...too bad, because then we usurp the Holy Spirit's place in the person's life. The woman caught in adultery was told to "go and sin no more" after meeting Jesus. In that same story, Jesus told the crowd, "Let he that is without sin cast the first stone." Well...I want to say, "Don't get me started," but I'm going to get started.

Two of the committee members sit on their high horses making these decisions and insisting that they pray with people and inform them of "God's ways," while they themselves are malicious gossipers, sticking their noses into everybody's business, and praying prayers for people in such a way that they judge and condemn them b/c they personally don't like what certain individuals are doing, not b/c it goes against God's will. And you know what? If it were almost anybody but these people, I would have found a way to honor the committee's request. However, with these two, I firmly believe that it would have caused more harm than good. Okay - enough said.

One might ask for additional Biblical support for my position of giving in spite of what the person is doing. How about Jesus turning water into wine at the wedding in Cana? Isn't it quite likely that there were at least a few people who were already drunk? And yet, He still did it. Was he condoning drunkeness? No. Did He insist on talking to those people first, before creating more wine? No. Or how about when Jesus fed the 5,000? There is no way that every single person in that crowd was living a righteous life. Still, He fed them without strings. How many of those were in the crowd shouting, "Crucify Him!" shortly before His death?

In Matthew 26 Jesus talks about the difference between sheep and goats. The sheep are those who gave something to eat or drink, invited in strangers, clothed others, and visited those who were sick or in prison. Anytime this was done for "the least of these, my brothers" it was really being done to Jesus. The goats are those who saw these needs and did not fill them. I will grant that Jesus says, "my brothers," indicating that these things were done for other believers, but this passage is also used to support ministries helping unbelievers, as well. In that vein, I would add "helped keep a roof over the heads of six children and two adults whom I was trying to reach through you."

Our church is supposed to be committed to helping those in crisis. It's part of our vision statement. I don't know about you, but being a few days away from eviction pretty much qualifies as a crisis. Here's another way of looking at the situation - it's a crisis that they're living together because it's sin, but the bigger crisis is that they don't know Christ. What is more important? Giving a gift while telling them that we don't agree with what they're doing or giving a gift in an effort to imitate Christ's giving His life to reconcile us to Him?

How about common grace and saving grace? Louise Berkhof says that common grace is, "…(a) those general operations of the Holy Spirit whereby He, without renewing the heart, exercises such a moral influence on man through His general or special revelation, that sin is restrained, order is maintained in social life, and civil righteousness is promoted or, (b) those general blessings, such as rain and sunshine, food and drink, clothing and shelter, which God imparts to all men indiscriminately where and in what measure it seems good to Him." (emphasis added) http://www.mbrem.com/calvinism/commongrace.htm I've seen him protect life and send miraculous healing to those who are not saved. Put another way, God gives some things even to those who deny His existence, hate Him, couldn't care less about Him, or worship something that is not Him. His purpose in doing this is because it's His kindness and goodness that leads to repentance.

The last I heard, they were still in their apartment. The small contribution from me and my husband was enough to show their intent to get caught up with rent. Beyond that, however, I think that the Lord is hearing my prayers, asking Him to be Jehovah Jirah to this family, in spite of the fact that they are not yet saved. Too bad that our church couldn't see their way clear to being a part of His plan. Let's not forget that in the giving, one is blessed. What a blessing our church missed out on. When the time comes, they will not be able to say that they played a part in the salvation of these two people and their children.